Summer used to be fun because you could meet your friends at wawa on a random Tuesday and get a black and white milkshake that came out of the automatic milkshake machine and have someone’s mom drop you off at the pool and have someone’s dad pick you up when they closed. It was amazing! I loved summer! Now I have reverse seasonal depression where if I sense even 10% humidity, I’m in a bad mood because my shirt is gonna stick to my armpits on my way to work and make me want to rip my skin off. It’s really only bearable near a body of water, which is hard to come by these days because I’m no longer 1.5 hours from my favorite place, the Jersey Shore <3 and every pool in New York charges four jillion dollars to enter and everyone there is a Love Island reject with a 23 inch waist.

But seriously. I need everyone to stop talking to ChatGPT so that maybe we stop rapidly spiraling into living in hell during the summer, and a tundra in the winter. This summer has been exponentially worse than others, and I fear it’s only going to get worse. But hey, maybe now that RFK Jr. got rid of food regulations I’ll get the lettuce parasite and at least get a tiny frame for next summer’s Bathhouse visit! A gal can dream!

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What You’re Really Here For

No one cares about my thoughts on public pools or overuse of AI, you’re here for the tips, bitch!! So let’s get into some things that will make your makeup sweat-proof, oil-free, etc etc etc.

1. Literally Anything From Danessa Myricks

   1. Yummy Skin Water Powder Serum - This is for you if you have oilier skin and sweat throughout the day. This controls oil as you’re wearing it, and fills in pores so your base looks really smooth even before you put foundation on. -1 point for the applicator, because I have acrylic nails I can’t always use the button on the bottom of the package without having a nail mishap.

   2. Yummy Skin Blurring Balm Powder - This is my holy grail for anyone who sits in my makeup chair. It’s for all skin types - even dry skin!! And controls oil and sweat throughout the day. They have a radiant version if you like a lil glow, but I prefer the OG formula for a smooth base that doesn’t get shiny under studio lights, or a long wedding day.

   3. Yummy Skin Liquid Blurring Balm Setting Spray - If you can’t be bothered with a primer use this setting spray to control sweat and oil. Make sure you shake it up really well, sometimes it comes out chunky and weird. This is my favorite for a client’s t-zone to keep them matte in the center of the face, while keeping a dewy cheek, because I love a glowy cheek moment, even in the pits of a heat wave.

2. Also, Literally Anything From Patrick Starrr

   1. Secure the Sweat Primer - Use this sparingly, a little goes a long way and really only works well in the t-zone. I used it once on my cheeks and I looked like a corpse.

   2. Mattifying Setting Spray with SPF - Please do not think that because I haven’t mentioned SPF yet that you don’t need it. You do. And this one rocks because you can put it on top of your makeup and it reinforces the SPF you SHOULD HAVE put on before your primer.

   3. Oil Sucker Liquid Blotting Spray - This shit is crazy, it really takes away all the shine on your face with one spray I don’t know what’s in it. I tell my oily clients to have this on hand during their events in the summer to refresh quickly and easily, and it comes in a mini! How cute.

3. Fenty Invisimatte

   1. This is a staple in my pro kit because it reduces shine while not adding a heavy feeling of powder on your skin. It comes with a mini puff to toss in your bag for going out or going to work or wherever the wind takes you.

4. Tatcha Oil Blotting Sheets

   1. You don’t have to use the Tatcha ones, but they’re the prettiest so I linked them in the hopes that you too, will fall victim to cute packaging and buy them with my referral link and I’ll get a few pennies.

5. Alcone Stop the Sweat

   1. Okay this is for my more advanced people because this is a pro kit product and has really specific instructions. I’ll try to go over them in writing, but if you’re a visual learner like me, just go on Tik Tok. First you want to start with a clean, fully dry face and take the product on a cotton round and swipe it all over the skin where you get sweaty - hairline, around the nose, chin, brow bone, etc. Then you want to wait until it’s 100% dry - I like to use my trusty fan to speed things up on clients. Once you’re all dry, then you can go in and tap a lightweight moisturizer on top. Then you can apply the rest of your products. It’s like a facial antiperspirant and shouldn’t really be used everyday, because I’m sure it’s bad for your pores. But! For occasional use, it’s fantastic.

6. Living Proof PhD Dry Shampoo

   1. Throwing in a hair product for my people who also sweat in their hair - which is really, such a joy. I’ve sung this dry shampoo’s praises for so long, that they really should be giving me a cut of all their sales. It’s the only dry shampoo that actually works and feels like it's getting the gunk off your scalp, including that nasty sweaty hair feeling.

Final Notes

Hopefully I’ve introduced you to your new favorite sweat controlling product, and if you’re a dry skin queen and don’t have these problems then I’ll see you in my DMs in January, asking how to fix your flaky skin during nuclear winter. As always, all my links are clickable and shoppable for your convenience! Bye for now!

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This is also my big beef with the Beli app, because how dare you ask me to choose between a cheesy, greasy, New York slice from the one of 5 million Joe’s Pizzas and a juicy steak taco from Oxomoco. Both are perfect in their own unique way, and it would be weird to pit the two against each other without any nuance.

Anyway - Pressman, unbeknownst to him, has inspired me over the past months of living in New York to document the things I think about in short lists. Topics vary from food, to emotions, to memes, to pop culture events. They help me to be present in my thoughts, by forcing me to think about why I feel the need to write this random thing down. And as someone who’s perpetually thinking about the past and future in a way that can only be described as paranoid delusion, it has helped ground me and distract me from obsessing over my career and social media. So here are some of my more thought out listicles for your reading pleasure. And don’t worry, I’ll get back to writing about makeup soon, I just need a mental reprieve from work.

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My Favorite Pop Culture Things That Have Ever Happened

1. Four Seasons Total Landscaping

   1. I think of this when I feel like I’ve done something embarrassing and then I remember I could be a sweaty Rudy Guiliani, or the unpaid intern who mistakenly booked a NE Philly landscaping company instead of the luxe Four Seasons hotel for a press conference.

2. Adele Dazeem

   1. If you’re unfamiliar, please watch here , I cherish this moment and watch it when I need a laugh. Also baked in a buttery crispy flake but that video didn’t have as much of a cultural impact to deserve it’s own bullet point.

3. Armie Hammer Cannibal Scandal

   1. This happened during a weird time of life where everyone was coming out of covid-19 and had nothing better to do than read expose’s from Armie’s exes who claim he threatened to eat them post coital.

4. The Boat Getting Stuck in the Suez Canal

   1. I know nothing about supply chain, or the Suez Canal, I just loved the memes and discourse that came from this happening. Also, the Luann De Lesseps of it all fries me. All roads really do lead back to Bravo!!

5. James Charles v Tati Westbrook

   1. If you were on Youtube in 2017 - 2018 ish you know about the hey sisters scandal. I remember this fondly, as I was ONLINE online watching beauty guru drama unfold in somewhat real time. I also still have my OG James Charles Artistry Palette, even though he’s been cancelled more times than I’m even aware of.

6. Lea Michele Can’t Read

   1. This was moreso an online joke that somehow made it to someone’s desk and took off running, to the point where now it is permanantly on iD Magazine's website.

7. When the Dalai Lama said his Successor Should be Hot

   1. This is so fucking funny to me I still think about the memes that followed this event . At face value, I kind of agree with him. Organizations do better when there’s an attractive, charismatic leader at the helm, why do you think so many cult leaders got away with being cult leaders? People thought they were hot, duh. It works and I don’t make the rules. There’s a great meme I sent to my friend Zoe when it happened that I now can’t find, so I’ll describe it to you like I’m a boomer - It’s the Dalai Lama’s face on top of Tyra Banks in an ANTM judging room and her saying “there are 6 beautiful monks that stand before me, but only one can become America’s Next Top Dalai Lama.” I love when people are funny and have the patience to photoshop things.

8. Put it in Reverse Terry

   1. IYKYK

9. 50 Cent v Literally Anyone

   1. One thing about Cancers, is we’re going to hold a grudge. This man’s list of beefs is impressive - from P Diddy, to Wendy Williams to Ja Rule, this man can be petty like no one’s business, it’s honestly aspirational. However, my personal favorite is his beef with Lala Kent and her then husband Rand, who owed Fifty money. Iconic text below. And again! All roads lead to Bravo, people!!!!

   

10. Kristi Noem’s Husband Wearing Fake Boobs

    1. Saved my favorite for last - I posted about this one too many times on Instagram and got flagged, but it was worth it. And NO I am not kink shaming anyone, I am simply laughing at the irony of the situation. I think pink is his color!

Things I Hate

1. When people chew with their mouth open

   1. I will kill you

2. Overuse of AI

   1. chatgpt therapy is making you unable to fend for yourself

3. No show socks without shoes on

   1. spare me this visual assault

4. Microwaves

   1. this is granola of me, but they’re low vibrational. they also never work and only just get the plate hot? useless

5. The word “drops”

   1. ie bronzing drops, tanning drops, it’s just such an annoying buzz word and the way my mouth feels when I say it makes me annoyed in the way people get weirded out when someone says moist

6. Pop ups when you enter a website

   1. I’m here for one thing I don’t want to see 4 pop ups about free shipping, cookies, a sale and text alerts let me buy my shit and leave

7. Men’s feet

   1. or anyones feet, but mostly men because they’re apparently allergic to basic hygiene

Things I Love

1. Maldon Flakey Sea Salt

   1. I put that shit on everything

2. Ordering Uber Comfort

   1. the car is always a little bigger, and they don’t talk to you it’s magic

3. Bodega Cats

   1. so cute !!

4. Apple Juice and Apple Sauce

   1. cures everything

5. Japanese 711 Mukbangs

   1. get on TT and look them up. why are our 711s basically rat homes and the ones in Japan are 5 star restaurants. they also always make me want cheesy spicy ramen even though theres a ‘cancer and reproductive harm’ warning on the brand I like

6. The Yellow Lesser Evil Popcorn

   1. HAS to be the yellow one. I’ve eaten one family size bag in one sitting, its superior to the other colors

7. Klonopin

   1. lifesaver. timeless. best used sporadically

8. Hunter Biden’s twitter

   1. clapback season!!!

9. European People Discovering American Fast Food During the World Cup

   1. cus someone besides my fiancè has to keep Arby’s in business

Restaurants in NYC I’ve Liked So Far

1. Mo’s General / Williamsburg

   1. been here 3x already!! gotta relax, but the fried olives call to me

2. Hellbender / Ridgewood

   1. any brunch with steak on it immediately jumps up 5 notches in my book

3. Rolo’s / Ridgewood

   1. famously, Jeremy Allen White’s favorite restaurant. didn’t see him but had a great lasagna

4. La Cantine / Bushwick

   1. good coffee in the AM and good food and dinner service at night?? yes

5. Bar Americano / Greenpoint

   1. fabulous spritzes and outdoor seating to people watch

6. Fairfax / West Village

   1. one time we went, and our server was the ex boyfriend from Emily in Paris. so thats’s fun. good burger and fun people watching

7. Salvo’s / Ridgewood

   1. sandwiches and homemade pasta 10/10

8. Veniero’s Pasticceria & Caffe / East Village

   1. they have like 40 kinds of cannolis

9. Thursday Kitchen / East Village

   1. gives you your drink in a capri sun kinda bag with a light in it. cute

10. NR / Upper East Side

    1. fun small bites and ramen. my friend Emma’s drink came with cotton candy on it, if you’re into that kindof thing.

11. Bob White Counter / Long Island City

    1. ordered their spicy chicken caesar wrap on grub hub and it was delish

12. Busniwa / Bushwick

    1. I’ve ordered sushi from here probably 10 times in the last 5 months, really on a big soosh kick lately

Ending Notes

If you made it this far, congrats! Maybe you’ve learned something about me, maybe you’ve uncovered a new internet rabbit hole to fall down, or maybe your ADHD brain just enjoyed reading a bulleted list. Either way, thanks for taking a peek into the way my brain and notes app look.

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I’m linking my ShopMy here and my Amazon Storefront here so you can shop all of the things discussed below and more, so I can earn 0.04 cents and Jeff Bezos can buy another yacht.

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Figured I’d start with a skincare article because a lot of you baddies are slacking on your skincare and it shows!!! Not to the untrained eye, of course, but when I’m 3 inches from your face I can see the dead skin around your nose and last night’s mascara in the inner corners of your eye, and its the reason your makeup doesn’t look the way you want it to. No shade to my late night makeup sleepers, I see you and I am you <3 just not in this article.

1. Tatcha Oil Cleanser (click me to shop!)

   1. Oil cleansing is, arguably, the most important step to achieving breakout free skin and I will yell it from the rooftops. An oil cleanser removes dirt, makeup, SPF, anything with an oil base from your face so that your face wash can actually get into your skin and clean it. Think, shampooing twice - which is not a scam btw, it changed my hair health.

2. Prequel Face Wash

   1. I’ve been using this since I got it on sale on Tik Tok shop 8 months ago and it seemingly never runs out. It’s gentle on my tender Irish skin and doesn’t leave the face feeling stripped or dry.

3. Anua PDRN Hydrating Serum

   1. If your skin is dry AF and you’re not using a serum it’s time to grow up and purchase one immediately. This one is so easy too, it’s a sprayer so you don’t even need to get your hands wet and sticky and gross.

4. Dermalogica Microfoliant

   1. Exfoliating is the second most important step of your routine because imagine you’re washing your car and you’re not scrubbing the dirt off you’re just putting shiny stuff (shouldn’t have gone with this analogy because I know nothing about washing cars or cars in general) and crap on top of the existing dirt. Your car’s just gonna be loaded up with shit and look weird. Getting a layer of dead skin off your face is key to making the rest of the products sink in better, and actually work.

5. Biologique Recherche P50

   1. This shit is not for the faint of heart. It smells like death and stings like a bitch but it works so well, it got rid of 25 years of freckles on my face when I started using it consistently. The gals at rescue spa - hi Gigi!!! - tell you to apply this all over with a cotton round after cleansing as a purifying and perfecting toner. Idk what is in it but it’s chemical exfoliation magic. Please be warned, it is an every other day toner for me, that’s how intense it can be on some skin types. Also fun fact, this has removed my fake tanner from around my neck and ears on more than one occasion !!

6. Illiyoon Moisturizer

   1. I love this with all my heart I’ve gone through three tubes and it’s saved my dry skin from the woes of retin-A and this past winter which was something out of my nightmares. It’s so good, I’ve even gotten my dad to use it which is, if you know him, truly shocking. It’s inexpensive and you get a boat load of product.

7. Dr Jart Sheet Masks

   1. Every time I use this mask, my cats are terrified of my face and I feel like Dwight Schrute when he cuts the face off the CPR doll, and yet, I’ll never stop buying and using this specific hydrating mask. I buy 10 during the sephora sale and use them on days I feel particularly dry and gross and it makes my face look plump and fresh again.

   

8. InnBeauty Bright and Tight Eye Cream

   1. I’m mostly hesitant to buy things that claim to brighten the under eye with one use, because like, thats’s not ever going to happen, but this pleasantly surprised me. I put a small sample in my professional kit and the way it smoothed the under eye area made the makeup apply smoother and I had to use way less, so color me impressed. Haven’t tried it on myself, I’m usually too lazy to use an eye cream but if you’re in the market I enjoy this on others.

9. Hypochloris Acid Spray

   1. This is for my workout queens, I am not one of you. But! This spray is fantastic for a quick germ kill after a workout, especially on the body to prevent acne and breakouts where your sports bra hits, or anywhere you may be more prone to sweating. This should be used on clean skin, on top of makeup its virtually useless and will just break down your makeup without really giving the sanitization effects it advertises.

10. Ole Heinrickson Lip Mask

    1. Every time I post this my mom says that ‘she bought it for me first’ or ‘wonder who got you this’ so yes, my mom bought me these for Christmas and they are some of my favorite lip masks on the market. I like this smell because it smells like vanilla, but not in a Bath & Body Works way.

11. La Rosche Posay SPF

    1. Saving the best portion for last because I love my SPFs, y’all!! Especially for my community of pasty white people, we do need these - badly. Or else we will age like a leather sofa. Love this one from LRP, it’s tinted so you won’t get any flashback in photos, and won’t wash you out if you have a deeper skin tone.

       

12. Beauty of Joseon SPF

    1. Another classic, super lightweight and is great for sensitive skin. I bought a pack of 4 of these on Tik Tok shop, which is apparently my shopping website of choice, and I always reach for it first.

13. Ultra Violette SPF Spray

    1. How cute and fun and UV safe to carry a mini spray sunscreen to reapply your SPF over makeup throughout the day. This baby doesn’t disrupt your glam, and makes you feel better than everyone else around you for keeping up with your skincare routine mid day on the train.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s fine.

Sometimes when I explain all of this to my clients or friends they get turned off by the amount of products and steps so let me spell it out as simply as possible so you can dip your toe into the magical world of taking care of your skin, without doing too much. Since I’m a visual learner, here is a little chart of the order of skincare operations in the AM and PM. I’ve found that sometimes the more shit you slap on your face, the worse your skin problems get - so keep it simple, stupid. If you want to get fancy with an eye cream or a mask, be my guest, but a lot of skincare marketing makes you feel like you need 600 products and you don’t. Underconsumption-core!

AM

step one : cleanse

step two : hydrating serum

step three : moisturize

step four : SPF

PM

step one : oil cleanse

step two : cleanse

step three (1-2x a week) : exfoliate

step four : hydrating serum

step five : moisturize

ending notes

I haven’t typed and hyperlinked that much ever in my life. So you’re welcome, followers. And as it has to be said, I am NOT an esthetician, nor do I claim to be. This is my makeup artist lens on the skincare of today and hopefully it helps someone out to try a new face wash or experiment with a serum. But if you break out, I cannot be held liable, and if you’re really in dire straits with your skin go see a specialist. And for the love of god, please do not use St Ives Apricot Scrub.

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Why am I writing a substack, you ask?

I’m not super sure. I feel as though I should be documenting my life in some way outside of client photos on Instagram and thoughts about Love Island US on Tik Tok, so here we are.

I’d like to think I’ll write masterful pieces about art and culture but this will probably be my mental dumping ground for thoughts about makeup, products I like and dislike, memes, and a general stream of consciousness. I did enjoy writing in college and high school, so maybe this will spark some great mental renaissance in which I will quit my day job (freelance makeup artist/over-thinker) and become some fabulous author, but probably not.

Maybe I’ll use this as a starting point to making some passive income because I’m perpetually afraid I’ll never get booked again which is the freelancer’s emotional and mental cross to bear. I made an Am*zon storefront the other day and I have a ShopMy that only my mom views and buys things from, which effectively does nothing for me because it doesn’t count if it’s your mom. I also thought I’d start placing small ($5 or less, relax) bets on innocuous things like how many times Alicia from Real Housewives of Rhode Island will say ‘cracka’ on the reunion on Kalshi, but then I thought that’s pretty lame.

So I landed here, on Substack dot com gearing up to maybe write about some makeup in the hopes that someone will book me or send me PR or think I’m amazing and talented and want to sweep me away and make me the head makeup artist for a bougie brand like Hourglass or something and I can summer in the south of France and not have to scoop my cat’s poop because I’ll be so rich I’ll simply pay someone to do it for me.

Here is some of my work if you haven’t seen it, but I’m sure you have cus where else would you have found me on Substack, if it wasn’t for my Instagram. Unless people use this as a social platform, which would be news to me. Some days I really hate the internet, and then I think - what would I do for 8 hours of my day without it?????